Why is it that your BELOVED PRESENCE manifests itself to me when I feel you not, thus transforming your ABSENCE into PRESENCE?

I DON’T UNDERSTAND.

I can ONLY glimpse and UNDERSTAND this paradox through TRUE LOVE, and I can only experience it by loving you.

The LOVE of my beloved envelops my being, and I sense that I am no longer alone, but that He is in me, and I am in Him.

It is the LOVE that you bring and communicate to me, beyond my bodily senses, alert and attentive to the blood flowing through your beating body, when incomprehensibly your BELOVED PRESENCE, not yet ABSENT, floods me completely and transmits your loving wisdom of LIFE to me. For when I die to my flesh, my Spirit of LOVE is reborn, and it is He who communicates and makes Himself present, timeless and limitless.

So your PRESENCE and ABSENCE are the same thing.

Whether physically near or far, your immense LOVE perseveres and truly exists.

This “nonsense” to the physical senses makes this impossible miracle possible, because for true LOVE, nothing is impossible.

LOVE communicates and advises me, with its passionate breath, that it is better for me if your LOVE were ABSENT.

I don’t understand. No!

I don’t want to understand.

I desire and need your PRESENCE, your breath, your compassion, and your help, until DEATH separates us.

Then you whisper to me, in a wordless silence, that if you are not absent, I will not experience the consolation of your TRUE LOVE, that only in your absence, may I experience you eternally.

And when I receive you, your TRUE LOVE will condemn all selfish desires in our bodies, it will fight HATE, INJUSTICE, and CONDEMN these lies in our BEING, in our brothers and sisters, and in everyone around us, near or far, friends or enemies.

It will protect me from the temptation of not trusting in your immense LOVE, of not having faith that you are ALWAYS present even in your ABSENCE, though I see you not.

It will protect me from the condemnation of DEATH, because the prince of this material world has been defeated, and LOVE is ETERNAL.

It is difficult to understand you, my beloved. It is difficult to accept your BELOVED ABSENCE and even more difficult to accept that it is good for me that you, my beloved, spouse, sibling, are ABSENT.

It is difficult, even with the promise that only your ABSENCE will give me YOUR COMFORT, your light, protection, and HELP, interceding for my GOOD beyond space and time.

I know that in our LOVE, the TRUTH is incomplete, for still hidden is an unfinished eternal TRUTH, which you promise to reveal to me in time.

I accept, because of your promise, your painful ABSENCE, knowing that you will guide me on my pilgrimage, illuminated by your hidden love and that you will accompany me, even though I may sense you not. Trusting that all is so that I may understand and live in the complete TRUTH of eternal LOVE.

The certainty that from the beginning your LIVING love is with me, loving me unceasingly, helps me to glimpse this mystery.

I know that you, my beloved spouse, friend, sibling, will always be with me.

Your spirit of true love will live on FOREVER.

You know that your LOVE has ALWAYS been my great comfort and support in my daily sorrows and misfortunes.

NOW I desire and, yet, I fear to experience how your ABSENCE is only the prolongation of your LOVE, all in service of mutual fulfillment.

I know that you are my great defense and protective shield, that you will not leave me alone and abandoned, but my beloved, perhaps before you leave, we might share the many secrets that we still do not know, whispering them to each other…

You could explain to me patiently, because I have yet to understand EVERYTHING, especially why you need to leave to fulfill our LOVE.

No, I am not yet ready, in my throbbing, earthly being to understand and accept your ABSENCE.

Although you cry out and enlighten me about how a TIME will come when LOVE will illuminate us from within and we will gently, almost without realizing it, know the COMPLETE TRUTH of LOVE growing within our hearts, I still do not understand.

You say that we will know each other in our deepest TRUTH, instantly without words, mysteriously in SILENCE.

But how?

Your comforting LOVE gives me PEACE, hope, and calm during times of ABSENCE.

I will be able to LIVE in your PRESENCE within your ABSENCE.

How will the impossible be possible?

I know that I still do not know how to LOVE you as I would like to, but I beg you to LISTEN carefully, as my LOVE, your LOVE itself, is fully expressed in me through indescribable groanings.

ALWAYS your LOVE has worked strongly in me, uncovering my lies and my fears, discerning my carnal desires and needs, engraved in my unhealthy memory.

Therefore, I hope that my purified and purifying memory will perceive, feel, see, and hear the spiritual world, distinguishing it from the carnal world.

You are my LOVING TRUTH, and you commit to me that in your ABSENCE you promise to send me your TRUE LOVE, who will teach me and reveal EVERYTHING to me in a different yet similar manner.

This is what I long for:

To journey in your LOVE, obeying your impulses of LIFE, because your LOVE bears witness to my LOVE that we are ONE, in the image and likeness of the ONE and TRIUNE GOD.

Amen.